The Trouble With This World
by Crowbar
Summary: A day in the life of "Superfly" Eddie Latcher as he tries to make it through the most perilous of levels yet... And lo, the suspense draws you in (Hopefully).


The Trouble With This World  
A Fic About First Person Shooters  
by John "Crowbar" Hurst  
MakoReno@aol.com  
http://arise.to/crowbar  
Finished August 17, 2001  
  
Note: For your (in)convenience, this fic has been written to use both elements from the single player mode and the multi-player mode(s) so commonly found with FPS games. A fusion, if you can call it that. Also, this doesn't begin from the "first level", like you normally would expect. You'll see. Keep this in mind as your read.   
  
  
*****  
  
Another day, another adventure, another struggle for my life.  
  
And another damn minute in this green uniform.  
  
I hate it. It's been with me as long as I've been here, yet it never gains any holes or rips. It fits the same way as the day I was forced to put it on: Tight. I can't even breathe in it, sometimes. And it's always there, the green uniform sticking out like a neon sign in the darkness. The helmet doesn't help either. It's stuff. It's foggy. And it doesn't even keep all of my brown hair where it should be. I don't even know why I bother with it.  
  
But that's the life of me, "Superfly" Eddie Latcher.... Your standard muscle-bound badass marine. I just wish the life of me involved fresh air once in a while.  
  
However much I like it or not, it's time for work. Having reached my destination, I took a quick look around the landscape. There wasn't a lot to look at, but by the general feel of the place, there didn't need to be a lot. Many of the lights were flickering, and those that weren't were either out or dead. The walls all had the same exact texture to them, a gray "techno-like" design that gave the feel of a futuristic design of some sort. They didn't help very much. Neither did they gray stairs before me or the gray door below those stairs or even the gray sign above the door that could be there as a "welcome" sign for all I knew. All different shades of gray. All against my damn green uniform. Joy.  
  
From just this very room alone, I realized just what I am dealing with. I've heard this area talked about by a select few who have been here before. I remembered one calling it by its proper name: "The Hellish Barracks of Shrubna-Quotheth III's Legion". The rest had a different name for it: "Oh, Shit".  
  
It was never a pretty conversation, what little I've heard of it.  
  
But here I was, standing in front of this dreaded place, with no way of turning back. Staying there would be the smartest thing to do. I could possibly live that way. However, boredom would surely beat the crap out of sure logic anyway. I stepped forward.  
  
While heading towards the door, I noticed a rocket launcher on the ground, spinning, floating, and defying all laws of gravity and physics. Never the guy to pass up on a free offer, I stepped over it and take it into my possession. I never understood how stepping on an object can put it into your hands... But at times of need, I didn't bother questioning it either. I prefer to call it a fringe benefit.  
  
After my side-trip for my new precious rocket launcher, I headed towards the door, touched them, and watched them open upwards.  
  
About 10 grunts or so on the other side also watched the door open.  
  
"Oh, Shit." I yelled to myself, seeing it all.  
  
No wonder they called it that.  
  
After that, my brain stopped and my trigger finger started. I don't recall much of the event during this time, but I do remember lots of explosions and a lot of body parts flying from the grunts. They got in a couple of licks, but they were obviously hurting more. Then again, the nerve cells probably didn't even have enough time to react to a barrage of huge rockets headings their way.  
  
The next thing I remembered was that I was around the gore of the deceased grunts, basking in my victory. However, victory came at a price: My green marine uniform was splashed with various blood and other things I dared not know. As if I couldn't think of a way to make this suit worse.  
  
Dammit.  
  
I took a quick glance of the aftermath and found a medkit conveniently close to where the battle took place. I stepped onto the medkit -- Another unexplained "benefit" -- and started to feel just a little better right away. Still didn't help with the mess though. Other than that, there was little more to the room. It seemed just as dark as the last one, only more dangerous. There was even a straight-ahead door like last time, sans stairs. I switch to the weapon I had before the Rocket Launcher -- A trusty double- barreled shotgun -- and continued on into the next room.  
  
From here on, it started to look different. The room I was in had the same "techno" feel as the last two, but was roughly double the size of those other rooms combined as well. Even though this was supposed to be a barracks, it looked more like a factory than anything else. Conveyor belts cluttered the area, moving various crates with various acronyms on them, mostly with "UAC". I've seen these crates so often in the past that I even had a motto for them: "Brought down by evil bloodsucking monsters since 2010." The truth hurts.  
  
My sightseeing of their barracks/factory/whatever was soon over though. I failed to remember there were both new rooms and enemies in those rooms, which I soon learned once again when I turned and luckily missed a strike from a brownish "imp" creature. He gave out a large growl of disgust, possibly alerting anyone else in the room. I gave out two loads of shotgun death to my newfound friend. Then, I did the most viable solution I could think of: I ran.  
  
Whatever the growl Mr. Imp gave out was, it sure woke up the rest of the Brady Bunch. Already I was seeing grunts storming from the back of the room. I wasn't going to take the risk of fighting another brigade of the bastards, not this time. I ducked low and looked once again. Other than the exits the grunts were coming out of, there was one other single exit to the right of where I was standing. I took the chance and headed for it, the door opening up automatically as I came along. There, another imp was waiting patiently for his morning round of violent killing. Unfortunate for it, my double-shotgun got hers first, bringing it down almost immediately, with its feet facing towards me and an expression that would leave marks on anyone just happened to be walking by. It didn't help my situation any, I know that much. Then again, not much does in this world.  
  
The room I was in was much like the ones before the conveyor room. Small, tech-like, and downright ugly. There were a couple of health and ammo dumps to the right side, just as before, but there was one thing that stood out beyond anything else in the room: a teleporter in the far left corner. It wasn't a very sophisticated teleporter either. On the top was a black pentagram on a red background, and all around the vicinity of the object were yellow dots that only added to the mystical effect of "There's no way in hell I'm getting in there." I have faced these things before, but I didn't like them one bit. You hear... Stories about them. Stories that make you think more than once about the bastards. Stuff like molecules being misplaced or being spliced with someone else's. People with feet on their hands. It wouldn't exactly to be fun to fight evil when your talking out of ass - Quite literally.  
  
The movie "The Fly" didn't help matters much either. Nor the fact that my nickname is "Superfly".  
  
But then I reviewed my choices. One, I could enter the teleport and actually have a chance at survival. Two, I could go back out there and be the most suicidal man this side of the dimension. Three, I could sit on my ass and wait for them to come for me. And four, I could think of even more horrifying things the teleporter can do to you.  
  
'... Ah, what the hell.' I thought. 'Superfly' Latcher can take a little teleporter.'  
  
At least, I hoped.  
  
I looks back at the corpse of the imp in reassurance. His feet were in front, even though I was on the other side when I killed him. I shake whatever thoughts of the warped physics example I had and turned back to the teleporter again. Speaking of warped physics...  
  
I stepped into the square box from hell and closed my eyes.  
  
I haven't been brave enough to open my eyes during these transfers through time and space and other whatnots, but I know what it feels like. Obviously, it feels like you're stepping between two dimensions for that one single moment, but there's something else to it. Like your being adrift, alone if not just for the time being. Lost, yet on your way.  
  
Ever fought the effects of that last Burrito Supreme? It's like that, only this wraps up all the hours of pain afterwards and wads it up into one single second. Hey, you try it sometime and see if I'm right.  
  
Despite my one second of pure hell, I arrived at my destination. It's not with the sound that it usual makes (A "plink" of sorts), but the sound of blood and gibs flying through the air. I opened my eyes and stepped off the teleporter. Lo, and behold, that's exactly what it is.  
  
Shit. I did it again.  
  
That's another thing I hate about teleporters. You don't know what's on the other side. Which results in messes like this, if someone just happens to be standing right there. They call it "Telefragging", but it's just a fancy word for "scrambling the hell out of everything in your body". It's unfortunately common among the people. I personally hate it when this happens, but I'm glad that just one more idiot has learned his lesson about teleportation for the day.  
  
Fortunately, it wasn't anyone I recognized. Thank god for that. Just a lot of gibs, a head, and some now-clumped up metal beside it was all that was left. But he'd be back. They always seem to find a way back. Even I. An "Awakening" of sorts. I don't understand how, but it just happens. It's just another one of those "benefits". He'll be pissed, no matter what benefits are bestowed upon him.  
  
Ah well.  
  
A greenish backpack stood upright from where I presumed the man I just destroyed was standing. I couldn't understand how these back could avoid being ripped apart like the person was, but rumor has it that it is made of indestructible material. It was also the reason why it always stood up straight. I never tried to find out for certain. I picked it up to find that it was nothing more than extra ammo. Rockets, to be exact. Odd to be carrying just that, but I took them anyway. Hey, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.  
  
The room I teleported into was much like the one I left, except with the excess gore that I had decorated the room with. I grabbed a couple of ammo deposits to the side and exit through the door directly in front of the machine from hell. This is where it began to be different again. It was much larger and the texture was different from the rooms before. Now they began taking on a tannish color that was just as ugly as the gray from before. Above me was a upper walkway, indicating that there was a second floor to the barracks. Even with this walkway, the room was extremely open; a welcome to any claustrophobic. Other than that, the room was extremely plain.  
  
Either the decorators of this place were extremely pessimistic, or weren't being paid jack. Geez.  
  
There wasn't any enemies in this room either, I noticed. Generally I don't mind this, but this worried me slightly here. I shook off any feelings of nervousness and continued to examine the room.  
  
Something does catch my eye near the middle of the room, however. Floating in the air just like the weapons were was a blue electronic key. I've seen many of these before and know the significance of them, but I can't help but imagine why anyone would place a key of such importance in the middle of the room. But... Hey, a gift's a gift. It's always grascious to take it.  
  
It's still pretty damn stupid though, in my opinion.  
  
With this thoughts in mind, I walked slowly to where the key was floating; a pedestal of sorts. I reach out to grab it, halfway expecting a laser beam to burn my hand off for daring to touch their sacred key. Nothing like that happened as I grabbed the key and stashed it away. I then expected a buzz saw trap or nails to shoot out at me or an alarm to trigger... Or something. Nothing. I sighed. How... Unoriginal. Just like this area.  
  
It was when I started to step away from the pedestal that several shot rang out at my direction. I jumped down, but whatever was firing was a real bad shot, missing me from where I was standing from about 2 feet above. Another shot fired, this one even worse. Whoever was firing, he wasn't doing much more than annoying me. Being hit isn't good, but making "Superfly" Eddie Latcher annoyed is considerably worse. For the other member, that is.  
  
I switched to my rocket launcher, stood up, and fired right above where the shots originated. That stopped my new sniper friend. I let out an evil smile. Having someone by the throat like this always brought out the best in you.  
  
"Alright, reveal yourself, asshole!" I shouted. "Or do you want to get a closer look at Mr. Rocket!?"  
  
There was no answer at first, but then a timid voice replied in the darkness, odd for its surroundings.  
  
"S-Superfly? D-Don't hurt, okay? I'm... I'm coming out."  
  
The voice then became a person emerging from the darkness, one I didn't expect in a place like this. He was kind of short compared to me, had short black hair that was a little messy, and a pair of thick glasses that made him stand out as "Hey, look at me! I'm your recommended target!" He had a blaster in his hand. I only knew of one person who look like this and choose that type of weaponry and he was standing in front of me. I stared in shock.  
  
"Player!?"  
  
His face beamed. "Oh, so you do remember me!" He looked closer at me, adjusting his glasses. He adjusted his glasses and took a closer look at me. "... Darn, I missed again, didn't I? I just can't seem to get this aiming thing down. Oh well. But the important thing is that you remember me! Great!"  
  
How could I forget? Player is the type of person you can't forget due not to the fact he's great, but due to the fact that he isn't. He was relatively recent, but even people who are newer than him in this world have better luck than this guy. As far as I've known, he's only made one kill, and that was one of the more elite marines - Wally was his name - in an area a long time ago. All I remember was that he was near-fatal, and Player just happened to fire that one precious shot.  
  
We never saw him "awaken". Some said that was a gift bestowed upon him of the highest honor. I thought of it as a embarrassment he did not want to see unveiled.   
  
To make a long story short, Player's a jinx of proportions never seen before. And he was here in front of me.  
  
'I'm screwed.' was the two words repeating over and over in my head.  
  
"How the hell did you get here?"  
  
Player looked at me for a moment, then at his feet. One of them was busy trying to scrap into the ground by the toe. "Promise you won't tell?" he asked me meekly.  
  
"Wha-- Oh, right, right." I replied impatiently. "So...?"  
  
"Well, I found something not too long ago that makes me feel really cool and strong! I found it on my belt here." He pointed down to where what was known as a "Console" latched onto the side. "I always wondered what this did! It's called... Oh crap, I forgot. IDDKD or IDDQA or something like that..."  
  
That bastard.  
  
Surely he doesn't mean "IDDQD", does he? The one mystical "Haha! You can't kill me" program? That... Was practically created by the Gods themselves! They never thought anyone would find out about it! If a normal guy was dumb enough used that in a place like that, people would mock him off the fact of the planet in his ignorance. But if someone like Player had it, and people didn't realize it before it was too late--  
  
A lot of poor souls would be getting the chance to meet Wally.  
  
Something had to be done.  
  
"Umm.. No, you must be mistaken." I said with a little nervousness. Anyone would be nervous if they were in the presence of someone who didn't know how to use IDDQD right.   
  
"No, I'm pretty sure it was something like that." Player told me. "The best part of it is that nothing can stop you. It makes you feel confident, powerful, and all this other stuff! It's like a permanent high!"  
  
'A permanent high, huh?' I thought. 'Well, that doesn't sound too bad-- No! I mustn't let myself be persuaded to become... One of them! I won't allow it!'  
  
"But I can't remember what the exact code is. And I turned it off before forgetting too! Crap, man.... Hey, you wouldn't know what it is, do you?"  
  
I sighed in relief. Humanity was saved once again, thanks to "Superfly" Eddie Latcher. But I still wanted a little talk with the kid. After all, he might remember it. At least, I hoped.  
  
"Player, listen." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're a good kid. You may not think you'll get better, but I have confidence in you. Just... Don't go throwing it away on some device that makes you ultra-powerful. You don't learn that way. It's only for a last resort, you hear me? Just... Learn the way I did, okay? It'll be better for both of us."  
  
If the designers built a fan in this room, the walls would of had a new brownish color that didn't come from a paint can. But the kid seemed to really believe what I say, and nodded as I talked to him a little more about the value of being a marine in this harsh world and the role we have to play for future years. You know, stuff that even I didn't believe when I was younger. But he took it all in wholeheartedly, which was good both for the sake of me and the world.  
  
"Just one question, though." he asked when it was all done and over with.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Just how did you learn what to do?"  
  
I smirked. "By beating the crap out of newbies just like you." He laughed.  
  
"Now come on, Kid." I continued. "I'm going to get you out of here so you can go to a level more of your size. Just remember--"  
  
"j00!!!!!!!1"  
  
What the hell...?  
  
I was so engaged in my pep talk with Player that I failed to look around the rest of the area. By the time I looked in the direction where the voice was, a rocket was heading right out way. Shit! Of all times, not now!  
  
"Player, get out of here!" I yell in my scuffle to get the hell out of the vicinity of our new found friend."  
  
"Wha--"  
  
He didn't even have a chance to finish the word. The rocket hit dead on, sending gibs of newbie glory in every which way. Player was used to this so it wouldn't affect him very much... But it was the thought that counted. I held my double-shotgun, aimed where he was fired from on the upper walkway, and fired.  
  
The bullets were spread out among the target, but what it mostly hit was metal, as it sounded. When I was able to get a good look at him, my guess was right; almost the entire left side of his body was made of some metal alloy. I cursed to myself. A cyborg. Damn. I've seen his type once or twice before, and they weren't the most pleasant of people to talk to. It was even worse when fighting them. The man was of a large- build, and had the muscles to prove it. He sported a sleeveless brown shirt, black pants, and even a red mohawk, all of which screamed "Hey! I'm going to kick your ass!" He took a glance at me. He was clearly not a happy camper.  
  
"r3m3mB3r m3, b|y/-\tc|-|!?" the cyborg shouted back. I flinched at his voice. It was nothing new in this world, and very common among cyborgs, but it still had the love and tenderness of nails on a chalkboard.  
  
Come to think of, I thought I did see someone that looked similar to him... In... The teleporter... Room.  
  
'Oh boy.' I thought. 'I knew he'd be back. They always do come back.'  
  
"y355555, y0u d0, d0|\|'7 u!?1.... 1 /-\m 1337hAxx0r5_KiN!!!!1 ! A|\|d yu w177 r3m3mb3r m3! F0R D3 GL0R13 0f d/-\ K1|\|5lAy3r5!"  
  
He paused and looked down at me in satisfaction.  
  
"I'm sorry," I started. "But what did you say?"  
  
"d/-\ K1|\|5lAy3r5!"  
  
"Sorry, but you're going to have to make yourself a little clearer."  
  
"d/-\ K1|\|-- A|-|, 5cr3w 1t. Y3r d3aD, f00!"  
  
Play time was over. He fired another rocket off the walkway as he jumped to the ground. And again, I ran for cover.  
  
This was not good. He had the advantage, being on the walkway. His added armor didn't help me any, either. I had to find a way to get him on the same level. Dodging the rampant firing, I loaded up my own launcher. I only had a couple of rockets left, but it just might be enough. I fired one as near as I could at 1337hAxx0r5_KiN. It hit close enough to startle him, but far enough to regain quickly.  
  
During that small amount of time, I ran. Hard.  
  
And he chased, stepping down from the walkway and running, each step clanked with the sound of metal. Now, I had the advantage, thanks to my speed. He wouldn't catch up so easily, but he would still be within sight. I turn around, loaded my second rocket, and fired at him without as much as looking back.  
  
I bended the corner. To my credit, the rocket sounded like it hit, with 1337hAxx0r5_KiN letting out a scream of pain. It didn't last very long though. He was soon clanking his way towards me, screeching various things about his "K1|\|5lAy3r5".  
  
'Geez, is there ever going to be an end to this!?' I thought. It was one of my few rational thoughts throughout the battle.  
  
I turned another corner and was greeted with even more tan walls just as he fired two more rockets, smashing into the wall about where I was. The explosion had nothing on me, but the shrapnel did, with one medium-sized piece entering into the back of my leg.  
  
Someone was being not very nice to me up there.  
  
"d13! d13! d13! d13! d13! d13! d13! d13!" he shouted and continued shouting with every step closer to me.  
  
I pulled it out and tried to run as fast as possible. It didn't work. He was catching up. I turned the next corner shortly after in pain... But was greeted by a nice site indeed. A trio of health depots were sitting there by the wall, waiting for someone to use them. Maybe my not very nice guy above was apologizing for earlier. Naturally, I accepted the apology. I ran straight for them as fast as I could. I stepped on the first one to my relief. That helped a bit. 1337hAxx0r5_KiN(I'll call him KiN from now on. It hurts to think of the full name) also turned the corner. That didn't help at all. I stepped on the second depot and was greeted with all of my strength back, healing the wound that was slowing me down. I also heard the sound of a rocket firing my way via my new found friend. Not good. I stepped on the third depot.  
  
Nothing. I flew right past it. I almost stopped to try and pick it up again, but I knew I wouldn't have time. I dodged another rocket as KiN picked up the filing health supply, revitalizing him.  
  
With "benefits" come the "other side". Like not being able to step on health depots after you're fully healed. It was good for him, but was the worst possible thing to happen in this case.  
  
I continued my quick sight-seeing of the barracks with tour guide KiN by checking my rocket supply. One left. One freaking rocket left. I loaded it up. If the health dilemma was bad enough...  
  
The tan walls and corners finally ended, revealing a door with blue siding; indicating the blue card had a use here. I might have a chance. I sprinted for my life. The rockets did so for my death. Again, I used my agility to dodge them. It was only when I reached the doorway when one of the rockets impacted against the wall and flew me a couple of feet from where I was before. I didn't even get the chance to open the damn door! I put my back to the wall in a futile attempt to protect myself here. I was trapped.   
  
He finally caught up with poor old me, laughing as he slowed down just about 10 feet away from me.  
  
"|-|/-\|-|, p|_|ny H3wmaN!" KiN gloated. "N0w u s|-|a11 f331 da pa1N 0f da K1|\|5lAy3r5!" I wasn't impressed by the "words" he was saying, but that rocket launcher influenced me to the bone.  
  
He hefted the launcher.  
  
He pulled the trigger.  
  
Click. Nothing.  
  
Frustrated, he went through this three times. Each one ending in an anti-climatic "click". I sighed with some relief.  
  
"Looking for something?" I asked, to his annoyance.  
  
"5hu7 UP! 1'M try1nG t0 k177 u h3r3!"  
  
I gave another sigh, this one mocking his situation. "Here, you can have one of mine." I held it out in front of me in my hand. He turned his head in astonishment.  
  
"r3a77y?"  
  
"Really." I said, taking out my rocket launcher. "All yours!"  
  
I fired. There was definitely not a click here.  
  
The rocket was given to him, and found a place to call home right in his chest. A big and loud explosion occurred, not to mention a scream that could find a place right in the heart of hell.. But when it all cleared, he was still up. Bloody, wounded, and a complete mess, but he was up. I stood up.  
  
"|-|/-\|-|! j00... j00 cAn'7 b3a7 me! 1... aM 1nv1nc1b7le!" he said, digging his grave.  
  
I switched to my double shotgun and fired another shot near where the rocket hit. He was knocked back and now leaning to go with his burns, wounds, and other stuff I don't want to know, but he was still up. I never understood how one rocket couldn't just kill a guy in this world. That's why I always carried extra ammo.  
  
"S33? W|-|a7 da h377 wA5 7|-|a7?!1" KiN shouted, but I knew he was hurting. Too proud... Just like the others of his type. How sad.  
  
I fired one more time.  
  
"0kAy.... 7ha7 d1d 1t." he weezed, falling down the ground. He stopped moving a moment or so later and a greenish backpack was now much more noticeable than before. Victory.  
  
This was usually where I said some words he would never here. Something like "Take that, asshole" or "Like running so much? Run all the way to hell!" and other such things. But I didn't realize how winded I was or how much sweat was pouring down from my head until after the adrenaline started lowering. I couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
Instead, I shot his remains a couple of more times. Damn the bastard.  
  
I took the backpack (Again, nothing more than ammo, but this time just for your average shotgun), I put away my weapon, turned away from KiN and looked to the door with the blue sides. I touched it, watched as it opened upwards in a roar of sorts, and entered. What greeted me looked much better than the remains behind me. A set of stairs going up stood before me, curving to the left. The wall beside is was a lot better than the previous textures, showing a little more variety, but it was all just simple shades of gray.  
  
Ah well. We can't have everything in life.  
  
I headed up the stairs with no problems, other than the occasional catching of breath. Fighting for your life takes a lot out of you. Especially when it involves rocket launchers. That takes much more than a "lot". What matters is what's left.  
  
When I reached the top of the stairs, the area opened just a little bit wider; about the size of a medium bedroom. In one corner was one of the mystical devices known as a "respawn point" laid. I never understood those either, but they go hand-in-hand with the "awakenings". I've see them used all the time, but it's still freaky to see someone who was just dead come back via these things. Not fun at all.  
  
'Hey, what if...' I thought quickly, remembering the recent pass. 'Nah. Don't think about it, Eddie.'  
  
There was also a rocket launcher right near it. That didn't help very much, either.  
  
I ignored the bad images and quickly looked to scan the rest of the room. There was another set of stairs that went down in the same style as the ones before, but other that, nothing special.  
  
That is, until I noticed an imp walking up those very same stairs.  
  
I wasn't sure I was ready for another fight right after before, so I pushed my back right next to the right wall and into the corner., out of sight from the stairs. It was a good thing too; it was only a second or so later when he appeared into the small room. He appeared not to take noticed, which relieved me. When he was near the middle of the room, I took the chance and fired a shot from my double-barreled shotgun.  
  
It hit straight on. He sure noticed me now. The blast hit him pretty hard it seemed, but not hard enough to stop him from turning and firing one of his own mucus/blasts/whatevers at me. Being in the corner, I couldn't dodge it. It hit and it hurt, but it could have been a lot worse. I fired another blast into the imp before he fell like the last two before him.  
  
Funny how they always seem to do the same things. Walk, Scratch, Shoot, Die...Oh well. Sucks to be them. Especially after they've met me.  
  
I turned to the second set of stairs without even a second glance and started to head down them. By the fourth or fifth step though, I already heard something above me, back where I just was. Like the sound of a teleporter going off. Then I heard a faint clicking sound. I paused. The imp was dead dead dead. This much, I knew. So what the hell was making the noise up there?  
  
Instead of continuing down to the bottom, I decided to go take a look.  
  
Stepping back into the medium-sized room, I immediately knew something was wrong. The imp was still there, dead as can be, but the rocket launcher from earlier was gone. And then I heard the clank. The clank that sounded so familiar.  
  
I turned around.  
  
He was there. KiN was staring at me, Rocket Launcher in hand and aimed towards me. He was back. They always are. And he was pissed. He even used the same tactic I had used against the imp just a minute ago, the bastard.  
  
Reasoning was never my strong point. This just brought it to an all time low.  
  
"/\/\y 7|_|RNN!!!1" he shouted before firing the rocket launcher into my face.  
  
I could feel the intense heat scorching and eating its way through my face. I was melting in a vast fire of molten lava. I tried to grasp a hold on my shotgun, to fire something in futile "protection", but he knew better than that. He fired a second rocket at the same spot. I felt the flames engulf my body, sear through my flesh, my bones, my organs, everything! I lost all control of my mind and body, going into the realm of the subconscious. The world was black. There was nothing. And then--  
  
And then I woke up.  
  
I kept my eyes clinched, expecting the pain of the fire to come back at anytime. Nothing of that nature returned. I slowly opened my eyes to reveal not the room I was in before, but the teleporter room right before I met my new arch rival. Nothing had changed in the room, from what I saw. Even the gore from the telefragging was still tactlessly displayed across the walls. The only difference was that the ammo depots I picked up from before mysteriously have reappeared. I blinked once. Then twice. A third time, still trying to convince myself of where I was. I took a step off from where I was, the teleporter pad. I felt the ground beneath my feet, confirming my existence in this room.  
  
I sighed with relief. I had "awakened", just like everyone else does. This has happened several times before, but it's still pretty damn unbelievable every time, if you ask me. In fact, I can't help but think the same damn words that I thought each and every time before: "God damn nightmares. I've got to stop sleeping in." In a sick way, those words had some truth in it. Even the pain of the fire seemed far away in another land. So, I shrugged it off as just another nightmare. Thinking about them too much just caused another awakening. And one is always more than enough for me.  
  
I checked my side for my trusty double-barreled shotgun. It wasn't there. Instead, I was greeted with the site of a blaster, the standard for beginners. That was another thing about awakenings: It not only took you to safety, it took your weapons too.   
  
Shit. Someone up there is not being very nice to me, the damn kleptomaniac.  
  
Nevertheless, I grabbed the newly-appeared ammo depots anyway, both out of old habit and "just in case", which happen often. Checking where I was again, I realized I had a little bit of backtracking to do, adding to my annoyance factor that has been building up ever since KiN decided to play Lawn Darts with his rocket launcher. Somehow, I still found the strength to go on, walking back through the doors and into the large tan room with the upper walkway. Again, another blue key mysteriously appeared on the pedestal it was on before. Again, I snatched it. This time, though, I was a little cautious, just in case Player wasn't trying to show his "skills" by camping at that corner again. He wasn't. Good. He learned that lesson. It's just a shame that's probably the only thing he has learned from his experiences.  
  
So I walked on...  
  
... Until 5 steps later, when I heard a metallic-sounding scream from the corner.  
  
I stood my ground, blaster in hand, and ready for anything. In this case, ready to get the hell out of there if it what I thought it was.  
  
It was. Five-freaking tons of 1337-ness in the form of KiN turned the corner in a rampage. I fired one shot after another at him, but to no effect. He just kept coming. I clinched my eyes to expect the worst to happen... Only to feel something cling to my legs, shaking like there was no tomorrow.  
  
"u g0t t0 h31p m3!!11" he shouted, crying amongst his words. "1'm s0rrY! 1'm s0rY 4 3v3rY7h1nG! J|_|57 g37 m3 a\/\/ay fR0m H1M!!1"  
  
I opened my eyes to reveal KiN being the one begging for mercy. First "awakening", and now my enemy is begging for help... If one doesn't screw up the mind, something else would. Geez.  
  
"Him?" I asked quizzically.  
  
"H3's.... a ma|maN! A fr3aK 0f na7ur3!" he said amidst his sobs. "H3's... H3's..." he tried to continue until he heard a clicking sound behind him. I heard it too, but didn't look up. It was for the best. "H3's h3r3!!!1"  
  
There was a humming sound, as if something was charging up very, very rapidly. He let go of me and turned around to whomever it was that was chasing him, still sprawled on the ground. I wasn't that dumb. I ran like hell as far as I could the other direction. I've heard this sound many times before. It's the sound of devastation. A sound that brings chaos wherever it goes. Like a million "Holy SHIT!"s screaming out at once and then... Silence.  
  
In fact, that's close to what happened, from what I've heard. The shot fired, KiN screamed some profanity, and then... Silence. I stopped and turned around. What I saw where my metallic friend had been was now a pile of gibs, guts, and other various stuff, all surrounded on a now black-as-ash ground. In fact, the only thing that remained intact was the greenish backpack again. I cringed at the site. It was a terrible fate to withhold, even if you awakened again. I looked up to confirm the weapon that fired it.  
  
Sure enough, it was what I heard. The classic BFG 9000. The big long-range pyrotechnic blender. It was still steaming a bit from where it was shot to, not by surprised. What was more of a surprise was the owner, as I looked up to see who offed the 1337-man.  
  
He smiled back, and stepped forward. The messy hair, the thick glasses... I knew who it was, but I was still startled and shocked by this newfound fact.  
  
"P-Player!? 'That you!?" I managed to say, eventually.  
  
Player nodded, adding another smile.  
  
Geez, if there's any worse thing than dying from a BFG blast... It would be this. KiN was in the hands of the Gods, now. I can't help but feel for him... Even if he did blow me apart with a rocket launcher first. And constantly tried to fire at me before. And...  
  
... Okay, so he deserved it. It's still a pretty terrible fate.  
  
"How... How did you do it, man? Just... HOW? And where did you get something like... That?" I stuttered, still shocked by these sudden revelations.  
  
"Oh, that?" Player replied. "Well... Remember that thing I was talking about earlier? The permanent high?"  
  
"Yeah?" I did not like where this was heading.  
  
"Well, I just suddenly remembered it!" he said, grabbing his console from the belt. "It was I... D... D... Q... D." he said, typing in the letters as he went, and then hitting enter. A moment went by before he realized just what he did. "... Aw, darn. I turned 'that' off, didn't I?"  
  
I simply nodded. Sudden movements are never good for one with a BFG 9000. Especially with someone like Player.  
  
"Oh well. I guess I can do without it for now. Another thing, you wouldn't know the one I used to get this, would you?" he said, hefting the pyrotechnic blender in both hands.  
  
"Sorry, no." I lied for the sake of humanity.  
  
"Darn. Well, at least I got someone! Did you see that? I was awesome! He was cringing! Cringing, man! Do I have the skills for this or what?"  
  
"... I guess you do." I lied once again. This time, I added an assuring nod.  
  
"You're darn right I do!" he added to that, beaming his smile across the room and back. "Anyway, Eddie, I think I'll be testing out my newfound skills and going to kick some butt!" he looked to his console excitedly... And then frowned at what he saw. "... Do you remember what the "high" code was, do you?"  
  
Again, I took the low road and lied my way through it. "Sorry, I have a lousy memory."  
  
"Darn! Darn darn darn! Oh well, I still have my weapons. I can at least try this trick with them for a nifty exit to a more advanced level! After all, I'm an expert now, right? Right? Later, Eddie!"  
  
He switched to his rocket launcher, walked to the side of the walkway, and pointed the weapon down to the ground.  
  
"H-Hey! What the hell are you doing, kid!?" I called out.  
  
"Oh, just trying a little trick that guy did when I was chasing him. Something about shooting a rocket down at the ground and then firing on it. It gives you a huge leap! I want to try it! Watch, man!"  
  
'Oh geez' I thought immediately. 'He's going to try the rocket jump now? That... That idiot!'  
  
"No, don't! You'll get--" I started to say, but it was too late. The trigger was pulled and boy, he did fly - In several directions all at once. An arm flew one way, a leg another... And his head decided to play dodge ball by going my way. I stepped over and let it hit the wall. The only thing remaining was, once again, a green backpack.  
  
'Poor guy.' I thought. 'He never learns, does he? But... He's not going to be using that stuff in his backpack now...'  
  
I picked up the backpack and lo, and behold, there it was. The bounty of a lifetime, with the BFG 9000 as the golden idol. Player may not be smart, but he can still be a great help at times.  
  
I walked away from the scene and retraced my steps back to the blue doors, up the stairs and back to where I was blown to bits earlier. I passed on by trying not to think of what happened there. I instead continued to make my way down the stairs.  
  
At the bottom was a door. And above the door said "exit". I had made it. One more room and I could put everything that happened here behind me. Anxious, I touched the door and watched it slide up.  
  
On the other side was the creature known as a cyberdemon staring back at me. He screamed out a "Hi" in the form of a angry roar. I immediately shut the door back in time to hear a barrage of missiles being fired in my direction.  
  
Geez, just when things couldn't get worse. The way out practically on my fingertips and a cyberdemon practically up my ass. Not even KiN would be able to fill in the shoes of one of these creatures, with their multiple rocket- launching per second. It's crazy to fight someone like KiN, but it's suicidal to go after a cyberdemon.  
  
It was while I was trying to recompose myself and think this through when I heard a voice come from the top of the stairs behind me.  
  
"Are you the one they call "Superfly" Eddie Latcher?" it called. It definitely wasn't Player, as it was much more confident (And he knew who I was, anyway). It wasn't my rocket launching cyborg friend for other obvious reasons, so who...?  
  
Before I could think about it some more, the voiced moved down, revealing a man in his early 20's with short brown hair and a face of (at least some) experience. He also had the same brown shirt, black pants deal as KiN did. For some reason, I knew this didn't have to do with coincidences.  
  
I was right. "I am the insidious Nightfrag, leader of the Kinslayers, the most evil, sinister, and downright dirty clan in this world!" he started. This part was nothing new. Every clan around here had a saying about how evil they were compared to the other. It was all part of their advertising campaign for more members. I'm still surprised they haven't stooped down to having public meetings about their evilness to recruit members and slapped posters everywhere like they were garage bands. Fortunately, evolution gave them the one track mind of either "Revenge!" or "Join!", depending on the situation.  
  
"Oh, shove off. I'm busy." I said harshly, trying to get back to my plans.  
  
"It's not that easy, Superfly!" he replied. "For you have killed one of our honored brethren. You have killed him who has one of the high honors of becoming one of our members! 1337hAxx0r5_KiN shall be avenged in the name of the Kinslayers! Prepare for battle!"  
  
Ah, geez. He went for "Revenge!" Where there's a member, there's always a (so-called) leader. I did not have time for this.  
  
"Hey, look now..." I started to butt in.  
  
"You cannot talk your way out of this! It is your destiny to face destruction in the hands of Nightfrag. Prepare!"  
  
I sighed. I hated when stuff like this happened. But it had to be done quickly if I had any hope of escaping this hellish place.  
  
Then an idea hit me.  
  
"Hey, look. I'm sorry." I stated.  
  
"There's not an apology that can save you know." Nightfrag said, getting out his shotgun.   
  
"Not even stating that I'll join your clan because of my mistake?" I continued.  
  
"Bribery gets you nowhere! For you see--" he stopped. "Really? You'll join?"  
  
"Sure. Why not?"  
  
Nightfrag's anger turned into an expression of joy. "Oh, happy day! We'll make it to our fifth member yet!" he exclaimed, mostly to himself. "Now, you want to get the papers out now or later to make it all official and stuff?"  
  
"Actually, I was hoping you could do one thing for me, first."  
  
"And what is that?"  
  
I pointed to the room behind me. "This room has all sorts of ammo and weapons. But there's something in the way." I lied. "If you could move whatever's there out of the way, I'd be so happy."  
  
"Why, what's in there?"  
  
"Let me put it this way. Ever hear of the BFG 9000?" Luckily, I kept the one I graciously took from Player in my backpack (Which leads to another rumor that these greenish backpacks opening portals to other dimensions, but that's another story).  
  
"Who hasn't-- Are you serious!?" he asked, his jaw dropping in surprised. I couldn't help but smirk at that.  
  
"Sure. Just go on in and do that, and I'll be your 5th member."  
  
"Well, okay!" Nightfrag said, walking down the steps to the door. "Just remember, we have meetings in the Pit of Devilish Minions every Wednesday. Okay?"  
  
"Got it."  
  
"And you're going to have to add a _KiN, to your name officially too. Can't be a member without that! Besides, I think Superfly_KiN would be excellent!"  
  
"Okay, I got it."  
  
"And we have deathmatch tournaments and backyard barbecues on the third thursday of every month too. You just have to show up for those, man! It's required! And fun!"  
  
"Look, just get in there." I said impatiently.  
  
"Alright, alright. BFG, here I come!" Nightfrag shouted, and headed into the room I had pointed to. I was more than happy to shut it for him afterwards. More than a moment later, he realized what just what happened.  
  
"Hey, there's no BFG here." he yelled through the door. Just a big, ugly-ass Cyber... Demon. Oh, shit. Shit shit shit! Getmeoutofheregetmeoutofheregetmeoutofhere!" he screamed in a tone that could have a boys choir envious.  
  
He didn't get much more out than a couple of bangs on the door (In which I kept down by simply touching it like before. God, I love touch technology) before a loud explosion and the walls and ground shaking slightly replaced the sound of the rapid knocking. Soon after, everything was silent once again. I slumped by the right wall to think things over."  
  
'Okay' I started in my head. 'The Nightfrag-whatever guy is gone, but I still have the cyberdemon in the last room. If I get a good shot with the BFG (As if there is a bad one), I could probably hurt him to the point where I can use a blaster or a shotgun to finish him off. Or I could find a secret area and bypass the whole thing, but who would have been bored enough to do th-- Whoa!'  
  
My mind halted as the wall behind me slid upwards and caused me to fall over onto my back. I quickly turned around to see what my mind was wandering off to-- A secret passage. A dark, narrow secret passage with a light just around the corner, flickering with the shadows for an unusual effect. My mind turned my thoughts around and made me wonder if my words controlled what happened... If some cosmic force was at work. I shook these thoughts off and stuck to my first revelation: Someone was really bored.  
  
I'd be bored too after creating a dull place like "Oh, Shit!"-- Err, "The Hellish Barracks of Shrubna-Quotheth III's Legion".  
  
I gave slight thanks to the creator of this place, stood up, and followed the passage around the corner. It opened up slightly beyond this, and revealed what appeared to be an elevator. The words "EXIT" were flickering on and off in cycles in, while two bulbs on each side of the elevator remained at a dimness that could hardly be considered "light". I walked towards the elevator and touched it. With a shake, it opened upwards, the dust falling off of it as it went into its ascent.  
  
Inside was a welcome site. Another exit sign was on in front of grayish steel walls, but this one was much brighter. Below it was a flip-switch. I didn't think of what would happen if the elevator would suddenly fail on me... I only asked what would happen if I met face to face with Mr. Cyberdemon. And if that happened... Well, it wouldn't be just "awakening" again that would suck, it would be Thursday Night Barbecues in the Pit of Devilish Minions because of my "promise" to Nightfrag. I had enough trouble already, thank you.  
  
I threw the switched. The elevator shuttered, and started to go down.  
  
I gave out a sign of relief. I had made it. I had fought dozens of grunts, multitude of imps, a cyborg with a passion for rockets, a cyberdemon and... Player -- Who was more dangerous than I had thought -- But I had made it. It's all over with. Now I can relax...  
  
At least, until the next area.  
  
I slumped by the right wall near the switch when I noticed that there was also a monitor in the elevator on the opposite side. Curious, I looked closer at it, wiping away the dust and particles. What it showed me was the route I was on. It displayed a wireframe map of the elevator terminal. Above it was some text, displaying: "Now entering... Cannibal Corpse's Napalm Death Lair. Enjoy your stay."  
  
Dammit.  
  
That's the trouble with this world. It doesn't know when to quit.  
  
Just as I had started up a string of curses to damn this new area to hell and back, the elevator door opened up, revealing my new found area. It was considerably worse than the last area, even from this glance alone. Lava was flowing from the sides, with only a narrow pathway to pass it all in the middle. I could even see a couple of zombies in the background, waiting and daring me to step closer.  
  
I got out the BFG from my stuff. I was tired of this. Every minute was another mind-numbing minute in this hell-maze. But then again, every step I took was a step closer to getting out of it. And every step also insured that I would be leaving this green uniform behind for some decent clothes someday.  
  
I smiled at that last thought and took a step forward, onto the pathway. surrounded by lava.  
  
Let's get this over with.  
  
  
*****  
  
All comments, criticism and other assorted things can be sent to MakoReno@aol.com.   



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